it’s the womp mpwo pwomp of the machine that’s getting to me today. it’s the rhythmic buzz, the sound of the woman through the headphones, the sound of brain thinking oh my god how do i even explain this to someone who hasn’t done it. the sound of brain thinking how did a blue stain end up on the roof of this white cylinder a tube fuck what the fuck a machine both future and past. and again it will happen and i tell him they will put a catheter in my groin and he doesn’t understand and oh my god neither do i but not that, not that or this one and i ask stephanie can i still take drugs dumb question girlie you barely even do the drugs i’m trying so hard to be a better person look how better i am being look how better i am doing no one is hurting and i’m hurting no one but oh my god remember when you were mean to that kid in fifth grade and the teacher called you to her office and he was crying cause you made him cry cause you’re mean you’re mean mean mean girlie you suck but i do have control over my thoughts and actions you’re in control girlie hunny bunny so let’s fuck even though i’m not in the mood even though your fingers feel like a strange object and the womp mpwo pwomp continues on even after the woman’s voice in the headphones says we’re all done.